musings on dating, ghosting and life journeys

Dating and friendship

Since my second marriage ended some (almost) 10 years ago, I have found myself on and off the dating scene. Sometimes more on and sometimes more off. I regularly talk about dating with my girlfriends in person over a wine or three or online with more distant friends including one of my blogging buddies Maria @adriftinathens

a very good vintage

We all date and meet potential partners in different ways, sometimes online dating, sometimes in real life. We’ve all experienced ghosting and other dating horrors in one form or another. And to be honest, I’ve probably ghosted a few after some desultory messaging that seemed to go nowhere and the effort in making some form of ‘it’s over before it’s begun’ message seems a bit redundant.

Ghosting

I once experienced ghosting after dating someone for 3 or 4 months and then nothing. No contact, no text, no call – nada! Sometimes it’s actually difficult to determine who exactly is the ghoster and who the ghostee. In this case I had sent a reply to a text message and then that was it – no further communication. My girlfriend asked if he had perhaps become seriously ill or worse yet died! But no. His little green light on Messenger was regularly on when he was using his phone – so I’m fairly sure he was still hail and hearty.

ghosting
yeah, nah

However, I was not overly emotionally invested in the relationship and I decided to let it go. I think a few years back I would have been more inclined to follow up with a “why?” But now, nah. As Maria always says to me “if a man wants to see you, he will”. And that is absolutely correct. Anyway, I think I miss his dog more than I miss him.

Life journey and fellow travelers

I have discovered over the years that people join me on my life journey for varied lengths of time. Some have been around for years; some for months; some come and go and others are around only for a little while. I recall earlier this year having the most intense and brilliant conversation with a man (over coffee after a Parkrun). He told me he was married, plus he was from a Parkrun far from my local run. I knew as the conversation beautifully unfolded that this was a really special connection and that one hour was the only time in this life that we would connect. He was in my life journey for the briefest snippet and that’s just how it is sometimes.

This attitude also allows me to let go far more easily than once I could (or could not more to the point). If a relationship ends, regardless of whether it’s me letting go or they drifting apart from me, then it’s done. There may be some residual sadness or longing, but it dissipates and fades away. I can acknowledge what was, appreciate the positives and let go of the negative.

Then move on and see where the next adventure leads me ❤

 

 

First responder

I updated my first aid certificate last year and downloaded the St John ambulance First Responder app to my phone. Fortunately, I hadn’t needed to make use of it until the weekend whereby I faced a situation that made me relieved I’d updated my skills recently.

I was on a date on Sunday afternoon (second date, new guy – from my dance class 🙂 ) We went to a concert to listen to a Rachmaninoff Choral (the All-Night Vigil – an a capella composition). It was beautiful and uplifting. My date suggested we go for a walk afterwards. We did, it was a lovely sunny day and we walked and talked. On our way back to the car we saw a man writhing on the pavement with two young women standing nearby. As we approached I asked what had happened. They did not know the man, but had stopped and they’d called an ambulance.

My date and I stopped to help and we put him into the recovery position (part of the DR ABC first aid). It was a difficult situation. The man was quite a big and strong fellow and he was drifting in and out of consciousness and at times flailing about and other times panicking that he could not breathe. My date was brilliant and managed to keep hold of him, so that he didn’t further injure himself. I had to let go a couple of times as I couldn’t hang on. He was frothing at the mouth at times and I was worried he’d aspirate, but we managed to keep his head tilted downwards most of the time.

We also spoke soothingly with him, reassuring him that he would be fine and that the ambulance was on the way and that we would be with him the whole time and keep him safe.

It felt like forever for the ambulance to arrive. I asked one of the girls to call again and heard her explaining our location. The app I mention above actually uses the GPS coordinates of your phone so the ambulance knows exactly where to go. I hadn’t used it initially as they’d already called emergency services. However, when I heard her repeating our location several times, I realized it would have been better to activate the app.

The ambulance arrived some long minutes later and the awesome paramedics took over. We left and continued to the car.

I am grateful I had the skills to assist a person in need. I am also grateful I was with someone who immediately rendered assistance alongside me and worked perfectly together as a team.

If you can, please do a first-aid course or update your skills. Download a First Responder app if your city or town has one. You never know when you may need it for a stranger, friend or family member 💖

 

 

George the Therapy Dog

Some weeks are like that – yes?

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks at work lately. Things have been happening that are beyond my control and I’m left feeling like I am hanging from a trapeze wire by my fingertips. This sense of helplessness makes me go a bit inwards and lose my sense of self. The world becomes narrow and grey and I find it hard to focus.

To keep connected to the world, I have to keep doing all the things that feel good and right. I need to keep going to dance class and laughing with my friends. I have to keep going to the gym, no matter how grim I feel on first wakening. I have to eat healthy. I am an emotional eater aka when I feel crap = I will eat that whole pack of cookies and wash it down with half a bottle of wine. Then I feel even worse.

I have to go to work everyday, smile and behave like everything is fine and dandy!

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But most of all I need to hug my dog  George . He’s a therapy dog. I’ve written about him in previous posts here and here and also here. We have volunteered at aged care homes; childcare centers; schools and universities. George has worked with Psychologists to help children overcome their fear of dogs. He is a lovely, gentle and beautiful dog. He absolutely knows when things are not right with me and he will just quietly snuggle up with me and make sure I am ok.

image of my heart
so true!

Therapy Animals

BlossomAre the best. There is a lot of research on animals and their positive impact on people.  I read an article  last week about a prison in Indiana having inmates look after shelter cats. This was hands down the best thing I read all week and helped pulled me out of my funk. If nothing else, look at the pics – those cats!! If prison is to be rehabilitative as well as punitive, having programs whereby inmates can participate in something that connects them back to the world, that is a good thing.